Personal Growth

Have you been frustrated?

I can pretty much guarantee we’ve all been frustrated with other people at some point, whether at home, in the office, or both. It’s just part of the human condition.

 Think back to a time where you were really upset with someone at work. Why were you upset? How much energy did you invest into your frustration? How much time was eaten up by your anger towards the other person?

 Now think about this: what if you had just gone directly to the person to discuss the issue in the first place? Likely, the problem was just because of miscommunication. You probably would’ve been able to come to a simple, quick solution that would work for both of you.

 Think of all those hours of frustration that you could’ve spared yourself. Kind of seems like a silly waste of energy, doesn’t it?

 If you find yourself focusing on someone who has upset you, I urge you to work up the courage to confront that person. Approach your co-worker/associate with a calm, respectful, understanding attitude. Discuss the issue matter-of-factly, without placing blame. The energy you invest in communicating effectively will save you time and your sanity!

 It’s just the Servant Leader thing to do.

 Joe Kiedinger

 ACTION PLAN: Use communication first!

My eyes are opening!

My Servant Leadership journey has been a powerful one, this past week especially. On Friday I had the opportunity to spend the day with about 85 of the staff at Silver Lake College in Manitowoc, Wis. This small private Catholic college blew me away as we started the day-long convocation. Fifteen of their staff members led the group in a Servant Leadership reflection, which had my eyes welling up as I stepped up on stage. The reflection lasted only 15 minutes but the quotes and sharing were powerful. I thought I would share some of the quotes that I heard.

Lau Tzu:

 ”A leader is best when people barely know he exists. When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: We did it ourselves.”

 John Quincy Adams:

 ”If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are the leader.”

 Fr. Keith Clark:

 ”Next to the words ‘thank you,’ we believe the words ‘what do you think?’ are the most empowering words a leader can speak.”

 Joseph P. Chinnici, O.F.M.:

 ”I believe that when we can see all of this in the same field—then we will catch the ‘bug’… of being a Franciscan intellectual, and we will discover a voice, and we will learn to treasure – in a profound way – each other’s voice; because, no matter what the language, I sit and learn and teach and that way we become brothers and sisters together.”

 Although my presence there was to share the VOICE we all have as unique individuals through the lens of Servant Leadership, I left feeling, in the presence of those Servant Leaders, that I gained more than I had to give.

 Joe Kiedinger

 ACTION PLAN: Use “what do you think” in your conversations at least five times this week.

I believe that inspiration is all around us

I believe that inspiration is all around us and it seems to hit us when we’re not even looking for it.

How many times have you seen a sign at a restaurant, read an article in a magazine, or met a person who just made you stop in your tracks and think, “Wow! I’ve never thought of it that way before.”? I think we’ve all had those moments of clarity when we sort of re-evaluate our lives and walk away feeling a little taller, a little wiser, and a lot more inspired.

 Here’s a quote I ran across that might inspire you:

 ”The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve. The secret of life is to dare. The spice of life is to befriend. The beauty of life is to give.”

~ William Arthur Ward

 This quote just screams “Servant Leadership” to me: learning, growing, changing, overcoming challenges. Caring about, serving, and giving to others. That’s what it’s all about! I’m feeling inspired, how about you?

 Joe Kiedinger

Action Plan: Allow yourself to be inspired by the things around you!

I’d like to share a little story with you today

A married couple moved into their first home in the suburbs a few winters back. They were thrilled to have a home of their own in a well-kept neighborhood full of friendly families.

 However, when the snows of winter thawed and the weather got nicer, they began to notice things outside. They noticed the neighbors directly behind them had a pool which hadn’t been cleaned in a very long time and the water was green and unsightly. They noticed the neighbors’ fence, which was once hidden by snow, was rusty and in shambles. They also noticed these neighbors liked to have loud parties late into the night which made it hard for the couple to sleep.

 Being frustrated with their neighbors, the couple decided the best thing they could do was to put up a high fence and block the neighbors from view. When they went to the store and realized just how expensive the fence would be, they decided against it. Instead, the couple came up with a wacky idea. They went to the neighbors’ house and invited them over for dinner.

In doing so, the couple was able to get to know their neighbors as people rather than as an unnamed nuisance. In fact, they found they actually enjoyed the company of their neighbors and soon formed a friendship. Then, when an issue did come up, not only did it not bother them as much, but they found they could easily and comfortably discuss it with their new friends. It was through communication that their troubles seemed to melt away.

 Do you have someone “difficult” in your life? Have you put up a fence between yourself and that person? What better time than Christmas time to take down our fences and serve others, especially those who try our patience the most. Soon you’ll discover there was no reason for the fence in the first place.

 Joe Kiedinger

 Action Plan: Look for ways you can “take down fences” with the difficult people in your life.

Your behavior is transparent to others!

People tend to think their shortcomings are not noticeable to others. Well, I’m here to tell you you’re wrong! You know the “stuff” others are trying to hide, and they know yours. Everyone knows who the detail people are, and everyone knows who the fun party people are. Everyone knows but nobody wants to talk about it. I say, let’s be upfront and celebrate it! Admit to your weaknesses because not admitting them only justifies those who have those strengths. I see too many people trying to be everything to everybody. Relax and simply be who you are. Everyone will thank you for it, and you’ll be a whole lot less stressed!

Joe Kiedinger

 ACTION PLAN: Self-reflect … then communicate!

The Magic Question!

With the holiday season here, we have more time to spend time with our family, our extended family, and with others who are important in our lives. It’s the perfect time to find moments of one-on-one time where you can ask the Magic Question to anyone in your life who you care about. I’ve written about this question before. Perhaps as some of you are reading this you already know what that question is. So … I’m going to tease you some more as some of you will jump ahead and avoid this dramatic build-up!

It’s the question that helped me begin to connect with my pre-teen who is now about to get his driver’s license. It’s the question I’ve asked my wife on date night. It’s the question I’ve asked my direct reports from time to time. So here it is: 

 ”What are 3 things I can do to be a better (blank) for you?” What you put in the “blank” is up to you: father, mother, spouse, brother, friend, boss. You will be amazed at what you hear. It’s the single most powerful question that begins healing or continues to build a healthy relationship just in the asking. It says one thing that everyone needs to know about you: DO YOU CARE ABOUT ME? People don’t care what you know—they want to know that you care. So dads, stop throwing facts and figures at your kids and trying to prove them wrong. And dads: I only pick on you because I’m one and that’s what I used to do until I asked the magic question to my pre-teen four years ago and two times since. Start listening and ask the Magic Question!

Joe Kiedinger

 ACTION PLAN: Ask the Magic Question to at least three people this holiday season.

Where are they now?

Where is that man who, when I was five, picked me up when I hit loose gravel on my bike, cleaned and bandaged my leg, and sent me on my way?

 Where is the girl who picked me out of a crowd and gave me a lollipop and a smile? Where is that person who helped my mother when I was born? The one who calmed and cared for me and my mom?

 Where is the nice lady who helped me get into the moving traffic lane when my lane had stopped?

 All of these people being kind and then where do they go? How many people wonder where you are? The nice person who held the door, raised the money, showed up to care? Be that person today. Be aware of how it makes others feel and you will be well taken care of yourself.

 Joe Kiedinger

 ACTION PLAN: Be THAT person—the Servant Leader.

The Power of Words

Monday we held our Servant Leaders of Wisconsin (Fox Valley Group) quarterly meeting. Our guest speaker was Tom Thibodeau from Viterbo University in La Crosse. Tom is the Director of the Masters in Servant Leadership Program at Viterbo. He spoke for about an hour and part of his focus was helping us realize the power of words. He explained that when you say something to another person you feel that those words are dead. They are out of your mouth and they are dead. However, to another person they become alive. If your words are kind, they hold on to that person like a best friend. If your words are harmful, they remain with the person like a bad nightmare.

 The words you use define you. Do you appreciate and compliment the people in your life that you come across every day? Such as the paper carrier, mail carrier, hair dresser or parking lot attendant? I’m certainly not perfect but I’m getting better. While driving to Disney with my family, I decided to compliment and thank every toll booth attendant in the state of Florida. I thanked each one for coming to work and gave each a sincere compliment of what I observed in the 20 seconds or so that we were together. I gave compliments like: “I love your hairdo,” “Great shirt or tie,” or “Wow, you have a wonderful smile.”

 Guess what? They all smiled and the words I planted began to grow within them. I felt great and so did they. Begin planting some words this week that help you build up and appreciate others. You‘ll be amazed at how it will make you feel!

 Joe Kiedinger

 ACTION PLAN: You know what to do!

The inconvenience of serving others

I bet you’ve been faced with a situation where someone needed help and you knew the right thing—or Servant Leader thing— to do was to offer your assistance, yet you didn’t. Likely you were faced with your own pile of work and were feeling overwhelmed yourself. That’s just reality.

But the thing we need to realize is that being a Servant Leader means we’re always “on call,” as Lary Kirchenbauer puts it:

To serve means you’re on call. It doesn’t mean that you must have an open door every minute of the day, but it does mean that you stand ready and willing to serve your troops, and recognize their needs don’t always come in handy doses delivered at a convenient time. The test of a true leader is the ability to be present, to be reliable and disciplined about how to serve her team, and her willingness to go the extra mile to make sure that she’s serving her team, when, and where needed […] Don’t get run over, lose money or make accommodations that are unreasonable. Bring a positive “service” attitude as your sidekick and be willing to go the extra mile to serve everyone in your universe.

Joe Kiedinger

Action Plan:  I challenge you this week to remain present and stand ready and willing to serve…even if it does come at the most inconvenient of times. That’s just the Servant Leader thing to do.

Through a different lens

My wife and teenager were away for an evening which left me the opportunity to plan an appropriate activity with my three little girls, Joey’s Angels! I love impromptu planning. I decided I was going to take them to the new movie Dolphin Tale. The movie was playing in two theaters. Because I had to pick up my middle girl from a birthday party, we had to choose the later showing that was playing at 7:05 p.m. We entered the building, paid the obscene ticket price, and as we were walking away from the cashier the greeter said, “Oh, don’t forget your 3D glasses.” 3D? I thought. Cool! I was hoping my youngest would tolerate watching the movie with the ‘50s-style, black-rimmed glasses. I took a picture of the girls in the theater and sent it to Danica. It was a really cute sight.

The movie was touching and I recommend it, but what I really wish to share with you is the actual 3D experience. If you’ve never seen a 3D movie, the picture itself looks quite blurry if you are not wearing the special glasses. However once you put on the glasses and peer through the lenses, the picture appears vibrant and rich. This is the perfect analogy for how we view people. When we come across people who are not like us, we immediately begin to point out what is wrong with them because they “appear blurry.” It’s no different than if you had entered that movie not knowing it was 3D. If you had no previous experiences with 3D technology, you would jump to the conclusion that something is wrong with the projector or the film. I have developed the About Me Card program to remove the blur by offering what is in effect a pair of 3D glasses for viewing people for who they are and not the blurry, skewed view based on our past experiences and biases. Servant Leadership is getting out of your own way, stepping outside of yourself to serve and understand others.

There are a lot of perks that come with understanding people better. Would you believe it if I told you that my stress level has gone way down? Would you believe it if I told you my blood pressure has dropped? The anxiety of misinterpreting people is exhausting and bad for your health. I don’t waste my time anymore. I’ve replaced judgment with curiosity. Oh, I slip back to my old self once in a while, but I’m getting better. I encourage you to step out of yourself for awhile and view people through a different lens. It can help you, and you’ll love it!

Joe Kiedinger